Tag: symbols
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Was getting engaged my quest?
I already commented on, what I think is John’s quest in our dating game, but I now wonder if I didn’t have one too? To get engaged. Married would be a bit more difficult as we would need to organise somewhere to live together and also it has long term serious consequences while engaged is…
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I want to be the breave one!
I still feel really panicky. It seems to me like two hostels bookings not working out is a notification from the environment (a sign if you wish) that I should stay but at the same time I feel like I really want to go, to help my country and our neighbours who are stuck there.…
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Archetypal war vs down to earth war
It’s 23.52 now. I can’t sleep, as usual when I try to work out what is going on. So I’ve been thinking about this phenomenon where on one side you have this enormous willingness of British public to take Ukrainian refugees into their homes and, what looks like almost no Ukrainians wanting to go. Some…
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I’m feeling very tired
I did 12h shift yesterday and 6h early shift today. I didn’t get enough sleep yesterday as it was difficult for me to relax after coming home and today I had to wake up early. So in total I had probably 5h of sleep last night. Yet, I’m still coping. I’m in the middle of…
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I cried today
For just a few minutes. First time since I found out my mum died. It was really strange. Someone from my village post a photo of another lady from our village, a tiny bit younger than my mum, with a note that her funeral will be on Wednesday. My mum’s funeral is tomorrow, Tuesday and…
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I’m getting bitter, I suppose
This is, I think, how my mum’s death affects me (and I’m sorry, I don’t like ‘passed away’ expression, it doesn’t sound definite enough for me, like if the person may still come back). I don’t miss her. I guess I got used to the fact that I’d never speak to her again, we’d never…
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Complex family dynamics
Trigger warning: mentions possibility of suicide in the family I didn’t write about my brother for quite a while, I guess I maybe mentioned him once or twice since I had to leave our family home and move to the hostel back in September. He is not a glamorous person to write about: he is…
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My body doesn’t exist (and how I understand symbols)
So, before I move on to what this post is going to be about, which is a bit embarrassing, I will start with explanation that I don’t really have much of an awareness of my physical body and therefore I don’t worry about my health too much. I don’t know how to explain that but…
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Home at last
I felt very weird when I got into my flat yesterday, it seemed like something is different. I remember thinking to myself ‘this is your home now’. I never thought about it as my home, home was in Smardzewice, the flat in Swindon was only a place where I lived. I suppose now, after I…
Autistic and me 