Tag: brother
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‘Mum, I can’t come over now’
That’s what I was thinking today about my trip to Poland. That I wanted to tell mum that I won’t be coming due to the difficult situation there and I wanted to hear her say that that’s ok and she’ll cope. Those thoughts came to me a few times and every time it took me […]
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How I really feel?
I noticed the last couple of days that my blog posts become significantly shorter. I seem to stop analysing my feelings. And in fact I don’t feel that drama in my chest that I used to feel when things didn’t go according to plan. So if I don’t feel drama, I don’t need to post […]
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There will be no future
That’s how I feel right now – again. It’s 4.40am and it’s Monday. I only just woke up, after having a strange, disturbing dream: I visited my family home and, as I was walking through it, I felt that depressing energy that was trying to suck me in. It was like two black holes, one […]
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I’m back to being myself
My ‘being anonymous’ experiment lasted for almost a week and I don’t think I liked it. It shows though that I have no ability to predict how I will feel in a new situation. I went anonymous because it was suggested as a solution to my workplace problems by two ladies in my autism group. […]
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I can’t tell anybody that I miss my mum
That’s how I feel now: I would like to call mum and tell her that I miss her after she died. Sorry, I really do not like the ‘passed away’ expression, it seems to me like this term suggests that she’s going to come back. I try to use it, but when I really miss […]
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My emotional instability
A lot of people seem to think that autistics are robotic and have no emotions. I think this belief is really damaging to us and I am not totally sure what causes it? I guess, perhaps the fact that we don’t communicate our emotions? Still, you would think that before making such an assumption one […]
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I feel so incredibly alone
I woke up with this feeling of being incredibly alone. How would you call it? Is feeling alone an emotion? I think I’ll have a look at list of emotions later on and try to fit myself in somewhere. I had a strange dream during the night: me and some neighbours tried to catch my […]
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I feel exhausted (my body image)
I wonder how this is actually possible? After all that sleep I had yesterday? I think I also had a nap after lunch today but I’m not sure. I mean, I just don’t remember what I was doing between 2 and 3.30 pm. I typed up an email for John, one that adressed his point […]
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I really am in danger. It makes sense now.
I just got an email newsletter titled ‘How to cure sore throat naturally’. I thought, I didn’t have a sore throat in twenty years, so I deleted it without reading. And then I shivered. It reminded me of the fact that I am possibly in danger from my brother. Possibly. I mean, I still wish […]
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My Sunday
I still feel reasonably calm, considering what is happening and I also managed to sleep OK last night, the same like the last couple of nights. It was six hours only, which is not a lot since I started using Sleep School app but considering what I am going through and the fact I didn’t […]
Autistic and me 