I saw an add about discounted flights to Bangkok and thought, let me try to book, just to see how much they are, and return was supposed to start from just over 370 pounds, which is very cheap. However, like it often happens, when I chose my dates and wanted to proceed to booking, the website informed me there’s no flights available. Well, I wouldn’t go anyway, I was just checking.
My resposibility for now is to stay in the UK and wait for my DBS. I was informed by the company that offered me a live in care job, it is still on stage 4, that means at my local police station, and nothing can be done till it’s pass 90 days. 90 days, I didn’t even know it could be that long! Hopefully it won’t get to that. I think it’s been 30 now.
I had loads of energy yesterday and I attributed it to my SAD lamp. I was thinking, if it continues like that, tidying will become my new hobby. Today, however, I feel somehow tired, and I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t use the lamp properly as The Boyfriend was here and socket is on the side of the bed that he normally uses, or maybe we need to get tired from time to time to get rest. I really don’t know, but I also started having the impression that my joints are not as stiff as they used to be. Hard to say if this can also be attributed to the lamp, I never read anything about it.
Yesterday I read an article on BBC about two British female celebrities who admitted to be diagnosed autistic as adults. They were television presenter Melanie Sykes and Christine McGuiness, a model. I am really pleased to hear about those two, even though before reading that article I never heard of them (I’m not interested in celebrities and hardly ever watch TV). I really think this is very important for how autism is being potrayed in the media: neither of them ‘look autistic’, they both wear make up and nice clothes, cope in the public eye and, I suppose, are not obsessed with train time tables. And yet, they’re autistic. I’d like to thank to both of them from here for revealing that. I may later on go on YouTube and watch some videos with them to see how they cope with talking to other people, but I don’t promise that.
I was quite sad when The Boyfriend was here, but didn’t want to tell him anything. I was thinking a lot about the fraud my mum become a victim, and how patronising is the fact that I now have to make any effort at all to get the money back. I was thinking that I don’t deserve it and that it all wasn’t meant to be like that at all. Selling the land my mum owned was supposed to bring us joy, not trouble. It all was meant to be different.
Like with Home Group, I suppose, which was meant to be a stepping stone to a career for me and instead was a stepping stone to madness. Thank god, I’m not mad now. And also not most of the time (I wouldn’t book that flight to Bangkok, I promise!).
I was wondering if I should have a go at making my own Christmas pudding, you know, made of carrots, parsnips, beetroots and zucchini but The Boyfriend said it would need time to mature, but how is this a problem? We could eat it for Easter instead. I absolutely love Christmas pudding and could easily eat it 5 times a week, although, I suppose, if I use the ingredients I mentioned, instead of traditional ones, it may not be as exciting.
I was also wondering lately how come me, with first class bachelor degree in computer science and some other courses in maths and physics, work as a cleaner, even if that’s only temporary. I don’t suppose autism can be directly blamed for it, although I do admit, I suck at interviews, but the fact that I’m terrible with computers, don’t understand maths at all and absolutely hate physics is probably what should be to blame. So how come I got as far as successfully studying those subjects at the university? I guess, that’s where autism was involved: I’m very good at copying what I see and maths, IT and physics are so easy to approach this way! Other people behaviour can also be copied but this is a bit more complicated and there’s so many exceptions!
But the fact that I can repeat even the most complicated sequence of steps to get to the correct solution, doesn’t mean that I know why the steps were there to begin with (although I can see if something fits or if it doesn’t), and then when it comes to apply what I learned this way to a new problem, I can’t do it. I can only do something that is similar to what I’ve already seen. If there was a job somewhere that woud pay for solvig the same type of problems over and over, I would be great at it, but don’t expect me to deal with things that are new!
This is not to mention that every autistic person who seems to be great at maths is going to experience this problem, and I really do hope most of them would cope with new problems too, but I think it is important for parents and educators alike to understand that if we sometimes say we feel we’re not good at something, this may in fact be true, even though what they see suggests the opposite.
As usual my today post is a bit about everything. When I just started blogging I was trying to be organised and only post about one thing at the time, but then it felt like I was trying to become an institution, while I’m most certainly a person, even if an autistic one. And as a person I have a mind that wanders. So now, I’m just about to have a cup of tea. 99p per 50 teabags assam tea from Lidl. When I was working full time I used to get Twinings tea, which cost a bit more. Maybe not as much considering I’d only have a couple of cups a day, but when one doesn’t have permanent, full time job, watching every purchase suddenly becomes important.
Fingers crossed my DBS comes back this coming week. I’m really bored of not having ‘a proper job’ and I guess I’m ready for another challenge.
I do think sometimes though I am really glad I’ve been sacked. I’d never move on otherwise and this blog wouldn’t exist. Not that I have many readers, at least for now…