Category: Uncategorized
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Fantasising doesn’t work
I’m just reading about an interesting research: apparently fantasising about a positive future makes it less likely that the fantasy becomes a reality. That’s what I thought to be honest, which is unfortunately contrary to what manifestation experts are telling us. Moreover, fantasising can make you unhappy and unmotivated because your brain thinks the goal […]
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I didn’t pass my first assignment
I just checked. The pass mark was 50% and I received 45%. I don’t actually know what was wrong with it, I can’t find any feedback. Possibly the problem was that I criticised a theory I was meant to praise; I don’t know, I didn’t find an explanation for it. And anyway if that was […]
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Eastern Europeans are unhappy
That’s what I’ve just read in ‘How confidence works’ by Ian Robertson and it may actually be true. Apparently it’s because we’re not well adjusted to freedom and making choices. It makes some sense to me indeed. Perhaps what I think is related to being autistic is, at least partly, due to being from Eastern […]
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I’m not a role model, am I?
When I started blogging that how I saw it: I wanted to use this platform to somehow give other autistic people guidance on how to live their life and to do that I felt I needed to improve myself first. What happened instead I turned the blog into journal. Is it useful? I don’t know. […]
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Priceless
I just found out from my uni student advisor’s team that my disability is not on the system. What kind of system they have then? Even old-fashioned gossip would work better than that.
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This option is not available. Trigger warning
It came to a point that I Googled assisted death in Netherlands. Unfortunately I don’t experience ‘unbearable suffering with no prospect of improvement’. It feels unbearable at times but I didn’t really try to improve my mental health. Anyway, as I said on the blog a few times, I believe my suicidal thoughts are a […]
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How dramatic it can actually get? Trigger warning
You know how I feel sometimes? And particularly now. I feel like whatever I want to do things always go bad, bad, bad. They never improve, not only for me, but also for others. If I had money I’d build my own care home, that would be similar to Fessey House, and I’d only admit […]
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What it is that I actually want?
Is it possible to know? And can I stop being unhappy somehow? I didn’t manage to fill in the online study withdrawal form because there’s an error on submitting. If I still wanted to study and all of this was just a little bit bigger meltdown I’d probably decide that’s a notification for me to […]
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My last (hopefully) uni meltdown
It’s so difficult for me right now. Part of me screams I should continue my study. Why? Because I started it. And possibly also because John really liked the idea of me studying for a masters. But I can’t do it, you know? Every time I try to think about writing my assignment my mind […]
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I’m not satisfied with my uni course
I was typing about it earlier on and I even considered if the problem is possibly that I am in fact bipolar. I mean I keep changing my mind too quickly. And then I suddenly felt like I knew what I wanted to do. I stopped typing and emailed our tutor asking for refund. The […]
Autistic and me 