Tag: brother
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How I really feel?
Coping with bereavement feels so strange to me. I could never imagine that it will happen to me. Obviously, logically I knew, but I couldn’t imagine it. I feel scared at the moment, but I don’t know what I’m scared of. Probably not anything outside of me. Probably it’s just some internalised, general fear? Possibly…
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There will be no future
That’s how I feel right now – again. It’s 4.40am and it’s Monday. I only just woke up, after having a strange, disturbing dream: I visited my family home and, as I was walking through it, I felt that depressing energy that was trying to suck me in. It was like two black holes, one…
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My emotional instability
A lot of people seem to think that autistics are robotic and have no emotions. I think this belief is really damaging to us and I am not totally sure what causes it? I guess, perhaps the fact that we don’t communicate our emotions? Still, you would think that before making such an assumption one…
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I feel so incredibly alone
I woke up with this feeling of being incredibly alone. How would you call it? Is feeling alone an emotion? I think I’ll have a look at list of emotions later on and try to fit myself in somewhere. I had a strange dream during the night: me and some neighbours tried to catch my…
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I feel exhausted (my body image)
I wonder how this is actually possible? After all that sleep I had yesterday? I think I also had a nap after lunch today but I’m not sure. I mean, I don’t remember what I was doing between 2 and 3.30 pm. I did some shopping in Lidl so at least I have food for…
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I really am in danger. It makes sense now.
I just got an email newsletter titled ‘How to cure sore throat naturally’. I thought, I didn’t have a sore throat in twenty years, so I deleted it without reading. And then I shivered. It made me think that I may be in danger from my brother. Possibly. I mean, I still wish to believe…
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My Sunday
I still feel reasonably calm, considering what is happening and I also managed to sleep OK last night, the same like the last couple of nights. It was six hours only, which is not a lot since I started using Sleep School app but considering what I am going through and the fact I didn’t…
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Expectations vs reality
I was at work yesterday for 24h (which includes sleep in) and although I could technically post on the sleep in shift, I didn’t feel like it. It was a bit of a difficult day, considering what I’m going through but sometimes it really is much easier to focus on work. Yesterday in the morning…
Autistic and me 