Tag: mum
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Star wars (the first day after my ‘manifesting’ attempts)
I’m rushing to say that I feel quite ok today. The fear that I’ll spend the rest of my life in bed is mostly, although not entirely gone. It bothers me a little bit that visualisation is always associated with New Age, as this is certainly not what I am interested in and want to…
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My emotional instability
A lot of people seem to think that autistics are robotic and have no emotions. I think this belief is really damaging to us and I am not totally sure what causes it? I guess, perhaps the fact that we don’t communicate our emotions? Still, you would think that before making such an assumption one…
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‘I find your lack of cheer disturbing’
I’ve heard it’s Valentines day today? And I’m single. Not that I was ever bothered too much when I was in a relationship. Me and John spoke twice last week: the first time we were talking about possibly getting back together but we couldn’t agree on how that would look like. Only then I had…
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Managing my emotions
I’m really sad and I don’t know why. In the past I used to be interested a lot in managing my emotions. I was focusing on how I felt hoping that will bring me clarity. Unfortunately it only brought me confusion. Have anyone heard about emotional intelligence for autistics? If you do, please let me…
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I don’t know how I feel
This is apparently normal for us, autistics. I mean, not that I never know how I feel: when I’m upset, I’m usually perfectly aware of that. But now I’m really confused. Not only I don’t know how I feel, I also don’t know how I’m ‘supposed’ to feel. Perhaps my confusion is caused by years…
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I cried today
For just a few minutes. First time since I found out my mum died. It was really strange. Someone from my village post a photo of another lady from our village, a tiny bit younger than my mum, with a note that her funeral will be on Wednesday. My mum’s funeral is tomorrow, Tuesday and…
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I feel like an adult now
This is really strange, I realised it yesterday evening and woke up at 2am today, probably to think about it. Did it ever happen to you that you woke up early if you have an issue to think about? That happens to me sometimes. It feels like my brain decided that working out what is…
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My Sunday
I still feel reasonably calm, considering what is happening and I also managed to sleep OK last night, the same like the last couple of nights. It was six hours only, which is not a lot since I started using Sleep School app but considering what I am going through and the fact I didn’t…
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Expectations vs reality
I was at work yesterday for 24h (which includes sleep in) and although I could technically post on the sleep in shift, I didn’t feel like it. It was a bit of a difficult day, considering what I’m going through but sometimes it really is much easier to focus on work. Yesterday in the morning…
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I can’t cope (seriously, how do I not enable my brother?)
So basically my brother doesn’t want to do anything regarding organising my mum’s funeral. I spoke with him again yesterday and he said he can barely walk but ‘will try to do something’. Today the neighbour called me to say that he wanted to speak with my brother but he is never in. Why is…
Autistic and me 