Tag: mum
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Emotional regulation for autistics
I did wonder on my blog a couple of times what it means that autistic people have difficulties with emotional regulation, and neurotypicals find it easier. I never found any explanation for how neurotypicals do that and it did sound to me like after several minutes of being upset they just tell themselves ‘ok, it’s…
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I had a dream that my mum simulated her own death (should I be talking meds ‘for autism’?)
I was in Poland and mum was with me. She was able to walk and speak normally. I don’t know how I found her but at some point I started wondering how come she’s alive and where she actually lives if I cancelled her care home payments. Then neighbours then started giving me various hints…
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A few more words about unmasking
Yesterday I wrote that I always feel like I’m acting when I’m around other people and later on I realised that is not technically correct. I don’t ALWAYS feel like I’m acting, I only feel like I’m acting when I’m about to say something and I’m deciding what that should be. So I presume I…
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I coped on the show but I feel feel crap
So, how the show worked was that we briefly discussed a subject when the music was playing and then repeated the same thing but in a more animated way when we were live. It looked like masking to me. It’s very funny because if I didn’t know much about autism I’d assume this is what…
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Easter is coming and I have no family
Yes, I still have my brother, but as you may remember, his alcoholism is very advanced. I was thinking recently that I didn’t post about any strong emotions for a bit, and indeed, I didn’t have any. I was even thinking that possibly I have been cured of having them. I was posting either about…
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What would my mum like?
People often say, after someone who’s close to them passed away, that they do something because they know that person would like that. And I wonder now, how do they know that? I have no idea what my mum woud like. Even though she used to ask quite regularly if I’m going to marry John,…
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‘Mum, I can’t come over now’
That’s what I was thinking today about my trip to Poland. That I wanted to tell mum that I won’t be coming due to the difficult situation there and I wanted to hear her say that that’s ok and she’ll cope. Those thoughts came to me a few times and every time it took me…
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I’m cleaning
After deciding to take an Ukrainian refugee I am surprised to feel like I gained some control of the situation. Which is obviously not true, the situation of the people of Ukraine will be exactly the same, but I feel better, so that is something. Today it was actually the first time when I cried…
Autistic and me 