Tag: mum
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I coped on the show but I feel feel crap
So, how the radio show worked was that we briefly discussed a subject when the music was playing and then repeated the same thing but in a more animated way when we were live. It looked like masking to me. It’s very funny because if I didn’t know much about autism I’d assume this is…
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Easter is coming and I have no family
Yes, I still have my brother, but as you may remember, his alcoholism is very advanced. I mean, I have John, and our communication seems to really improved lately. Although he still doesn’t want me to reveal details about him on my blog (and I’m ok with that) he seems very supportive in general and…
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I’m cleaning
After deciding to take an Ukrainian refugee I am surprised to feel like I gained some control of the situation. Which is obviously not true, the situation of the people of Ukraine will be exactly the same, but I feel better, so that is something. Today it was actually the first time I cried while…
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Should I learn to drive? (probably not)
I had this idea yesterday that it’s finally time to learn to drive. How I came up with that was probably because the only pattern I can see in lifes of successful people, who have something exciting going on for them, is that they are all drivers. And, as I didn’t see any other pattern,…
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It was a difficult day
I think my emotions finally woke up and I find it difficult to manage them. I mean, I’d probably look perfectly normal to you, as an autistic person at least – I spent almost entire day playing my block sudoku game. I’m quite scared of putting it away, I think it may be because, when…
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My dream
I had a dream that I came to the care home to collect mum for leave. It took a while to get her meds right and I watched TV news while waiting, where I found out that my cousin, who is a nurse, was taken to employment tribunal by her employer for being disrespectful to…
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How I really feel?
Coping with bereavement feels so strange to me. I could never imagine that it will happen to me. Obviously, logically I knew, but I couldn’t imagine it. I feel scared at the moment, but I don’t know what I’m scared of. Probably not anything outside of me. Probably it’s just some internalised, general fear? Possibly…
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There will be no future
That’s how I feel right now – again. It’s 4.40am and it’s Monday. I only just woke up, after having a strange, disturbing dream: I visited my family home and, as I was walking through it, I felt that depressing energy that was trying to suck me in. It was like two black holes, one…
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‘Just say something!’
I was just asked if I want to be a guest on a podcast and I had to refuse. It was not an easy decision, if I have to be honest, as I’d love to share my truth as widely as possible, but I’m worried it may all backfire. I took a part in a…
Autistic and me 