I’m cleaning

After deciding to take an Ukrainian refugee I am surprised to feel like I gained some control of the situation. Which is obviously not true, the situation of the people of Ukraine will be exactly the same, but I feel better, so that is something. Today it was actually the first time when I cried while reading about the war. It was the mass graves that brought me tears. I’m thinking that, after such a horrendous drama, the people who got killed don’t even deserve a proper grave, one that family could visit later on. I can’t even imagine how those who survived feel about it. A few weeks ago they had normal life, a job, a house, family, and now all of this is ruined and they can’t even stay there to try to rebuild what they can, what would be the case after natural disaster, they have to run.

No, accepting one refugee into my flat is not going to change much, but it will make me feel better, that at least I can do this little bit to make the world a better place for them.

When the war started I wasn’t even very aware of it. I think I found out from Facebook and initially didn’t take much notice. It was only 3 days after I decided I need to go off sick as I couldn’t deal with the awarness that mum is no longer here. I was totally focused on my grief and wasn’t reading news. At first, of course, I thought this invasion is not going to last long. I was aware of the conflict between Russia and Ukraine but I didn’t expect Putin may want to do that. I guess most people didn’t. And then, when I finally started seeing how serious that is, I was still rejecting to think about it in any other way than ‘why this is happening now, when I’m trying to grieve’. It sounds like I made it all about myself, but that was how I felt, I’m not going to lie about that.

I’m much better now though and I want to help. I went to the gym today again and was exercising with headphones on, listening to my favourite music. That did the trick, I exercised for 50 minutes and when I left it was actually because I was tired. So yes, I am better now and I want to help.

I’m trying to tidy up now, so that the flat looked reasonably in case I’m allowed to bring refugee straight with me, when I’m back from Poland. In case they have to wait for their security checks and I’ll be back before that, it’s still better if my flat is clean, isn’t it?

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