Tag: dad
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Can intention shape our lives?
It’s almost Easter. John is coming over tomorrow but only for a couple of hours as I don’t feel very well mentally. Or possibly I should have said I didn’t feel very well till just a few days ago. I was depressed, but not hopeless and sad; it was very strange because my mood was…
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Why do people love Costa?
I found out a few days ago that Costa gives clients free slice of cake (or muffin, shortbread or other sweet treat) on their birthday, you just need Costa app to claim it. I’m not a big Costa lover but I thought I’d give it a try. I downloaded the app and went for my…
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I think my communication skills have been blocked by life (but I want to be left alone)
I am thinking that possibly I am not a great communicator not only ‘because I’m autistic’ but because my communication skills have been blocked when I was younger. First, it was not possible in my family to ask why certain things are happening, at least not when my dad was around. Mum was happy to…
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Emotional regulation for autistics
I did wonder on my blog a couple of times what it means that autistic people have difficulties with emotional regulation, and neurotypicals find it easier. I never found any explanation for how neurotypicals do that and it did sound to me like after several minutes of being upset they just tell themselves ‘ok, it’s…
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How I really feel?
Coping with bereavement feels so strange to me. I could never imagine that it will happen to me. Obviously, logically I knew, but I couldn’t imagine it. I feel scared at the moment, but I don’t know what I’m scared of. Probably not anything outside of me. Probably it’s just some internalised, general fear? Possibly…
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There will be no future
That’s how I feel right now – again. It’s 4.40am and it’s Monday. I only just woke up, after having a strange, disturbing dream: I visited my family home and, as I was walking through it, I felt that depressing energy that was trying to suck me in. It was like two black holes, one…
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Am I totally normal?
I went on a trip to Oxford. Is that a normal thing to do 4 days after one receives a message about their mum death? Well, I don’t know, but I guess as I’m autistic, I can’t be normal, can I? I first went to that Lebanon restaurant called Comptoir Lebanais, it’s a place full…
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I can’t grieve
Possibly you find it strange that I post just after my mum died. But I’m not doing that for attention – I don’t get much of that from the blog. The purpose of the blog is to record how I feel and think but also to unload my emotions. Before I started blogging I used…
Autistic and me 