Tag: mental health
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Self harm (I used to do that)
So… this is not something that I normally talk about. It was always taboo, but my left arm is covered in scars. It’s normally easy to cover it as I am oversensitive to cold but on a really hot day wearing long sleeves becomes a problem. Yes, I used to self harm on a couple…
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My suicide attempt
I hope this won’t be triggering for anybody so first of all, let me clarify that I didn’t really want to die. And yet, I took 18 lorazepams at once. I actually thought I took 19 but the 19th was still in the box, although the seal was broken. The box contained 20 and I…
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Dating drama
Trigger warning: contains description of some difficult events and mentions serious suicidal thoughts and one suicidal action. I got my mum’s mobile fixed, I exchanged the slippers I bought for her yesterday (they were too narrow) and I had lunch. That’s not much, I suppose, is it? But I feel so low. I only left…
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I feel guilty
I can’t help but feel guilty for simple things that are not directly connected to issues I came here to deal with: having a walk in the sunshine, ice-cream, bottle of coke. Before I came here I was on Universal Credit for around a month and I was making an effort to survive on 2…
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Second attempt
This is my second attempt at blogging. The first time was when I had Employment Tribunal claim against Home Group. I found it very difficult at the time, my mind was constantly focused on the claim but I didn’t want to write about it so I quickly ended up struggling with ideas. I only managed…
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Difficult memories
I’m in Galeria Tomaszów, our most modern shopping centre, only built a few years ago. Shops are closed but restaurants, cafes and children play area are open. I bought an ice cream and a drink and I’m currently sitting on a fake leather round sofa. It’s not very busy, which is good. Being here reminds…
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Coping
I was just thinking how mum always tried to help me to cope with things. She didn’t seem to understand the world around her very well but had good ideas sometimes. Her ideas helped me organise a lift to the airport at the beginning of lockdown when majority of buses got cancelled and we only…
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Woke up early
I went to sleep just after 22.30 and woke up before 2am. That’s not a lot of sleep, but should be ok in terms of my mental health (my two psychotic episodes were inducted by stress and insomnia.) Strange that I don’t feel tired at all. It would still be nice to sleep now. It’s…
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Never say that to psychiatric patient with Asperger’s
When I was in psychiatric hospital after my second psychotic episode I asked the staff what is going to happen with me if I don’t get better and he said ‘Just take your medication’. For me that sounded like if he was telling me to take an overdose. Of course I knew that’s not what…
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Is autism a disability?
Some autism advocates argue that autism is a different way of thinking, not a disability. I’d say it is a different way of thinking that makes us disabled. Do you want to argue with me? Let’s take my employment tribunal case as an example. One could say I outsmarted Home Group (they claimed in their…
Autistic and me 