I was just thinking how mum always tried to help me to cope with things. She didn’t seem to understand the world around her very well but had good ideas sometimes. Her ideas helped me organise a lift to the airport at the beginning of lockdown when majority of buses got cancelled and we only had rescue flights operating from Warsaw.

I came to stay with my family at the beginning of March 2020 and a few days later lockdown was introduced. (Mind you, I didn’t even know that word before.) So if not mum, I’d stay at home on that day and would try to work out what to do from the news.

It was mum who almost dragged me to town. It was unpleasant with most shops closed but at least the man who run the private mini bus service to town and didn’t have many customers at best of times offered his help. His son was also in the UK, if not that I don’t know what I would do. No one else would agree to take me that far or even probably get to the same car with me. Most people seemed to think I carry the virus only because I came from the UK.

A few days earlier shop assistant called the police after I left the shop. She was apparently claiming I laughed and told everyone I’m infected and she told the police about my two psychotic episodes. It’s surprising how people in the village know everything about me when I don’t even know their name.

So yes, what I wanted to say is, mum was always trying to help in this way or the other. Now I have to deal by myself with the fact that my brother is drinking, the family home is going to turn into ruin, the fact that her money was stolen and where she will live.

I really do not know how I’m going to cope.

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