Tag: psychosis
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Bad mental health
What I wanted to talk about here is, how taboo mental health still is. It seems like we, as a society, got much more open about it, and yet ‘mental health problems’ often mean depression or anxiety, nothing more serious than that. Sometimes bipolar may get a bit of publicity but not schizophrenia or psychosis.…
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My suicide attempt
I hope this won’t be triggering for anybody so first of all, let me clarify that I didn’t really want to die. And yet, I took 18 lorazepams at once. I actually thought I took 19 but the 19th was still in the box, although the seal was broken. The box contained 20 and I…
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Dating drama
Trigger warning: contains description of some difficult events and mentions serious suicidal thoughts and one suicidal action. I got my mum’s mobile fixed, I exchanged the slippers I bought for her yesterday (they were too narrow) and I had lunch. That’s not much, I suppose, is it? But I feel so low. I only left…
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Is my mum hinting me?
Two days ago, when I visited mum for the first time in her new care home, she told me she wants to live in Poland, unless it’s impossible, then she’ll go back to mine again. It sounded to me like expectation Mind you, she didn’t say ‘In Smardzewice’, where our family home is, just ‘in…
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Risks taking
I used to like taking risks sometimes. The problem was, however, that as a result I would often end up in trouble. Not always but often. The most horrid mess that I put myself through was the result of my employment tribunal case against Home Group. Despite having evidence that there were fabricated documents in…
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What I’m really worried about
I asked myself what it is that I’m so worried about and in response I saw my mum being dragged into a whirpool of something thick and sticky and I knew I won’t be able to get her out. I suppose it was a whirpool of care system and it meant she’ll never be able…
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Care system in Poland
After getting a place in government care home in Poland the person will have 70 percent of their pension deducted towards the cost of that place and then family is expected to contribute, depending on how much they earn. If needed government pays the rest. The full price of government care home may be very…
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I feel guilty
I can’t help but feel guilty for simple things that are not directly connected to issues I came here to deal with: having a walk in the sunshine, ice-cream, bottle of coke. Before I came here I was on Universal Credit for around a month and I was making an effort to survive on 2…
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5am
I’m laying in bed and thinking about my life and my mental health. I’m currently not the happiest person in the world and that brings up difficult memories. When I had my second psychotic episode I got sectioned and I got absolutely petrified that I’d be put in Home Group property to recover. Thank God,…
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Difficult memories
I’m in Galeria Tomaszów, our most modern shopping centre, only built a few years ago. Shops are closed but restaurants, cafes and children play area are open. I bought an ice cream and a drink and I’m currently sitting on a fake leather round sofa. It’s not very busy, which is good. Being here reminds…
Autistic and me 