I asked myself what it is that I’m really so worried about and in response I saw my mum being dragged into a whirpool of something thick and sticky and I knew I won’t be able to get her out.
I suppose it was a whirpool of care system and it meant she’ll never be able to help me again, like she used to.
I don’t even understand my own emotions, I don’t know if I’m bothered about the unemployment or that I may run out of money, but yet, when I asked myself that question the response came in the form of an image that I could easily interpret.
I feel so powerless now. I remember, during my first psychotic episode I had that one day that I was really worried about something to the point that my legs were shaking and I could barely walk. ‘Look mum, look at me, what’s happening?’ I told her and she said ‘We’ll come up with something’ in a very calming voice even though I am sure she had no idea what it could be.
And now I’m all by myself, I have no one, no one to protect me.