Two days ago, when I visited mum for the first time in her new care home, she told me she wants to live in Poland, unless it’s impossible, then she’ll go back to mine again. It sounded to me like expectation.

Mind you, she didn’t say ‘In Smardzewice’, where our family home is, just ‘in Poland’ and what with things being impossible? It seemed to me like she was hinting that she wants to stay in a care home and she was expecting me to be ok with spending her savings on that (impossible equals we have no more money).

The Friend said that’s not what my mum meant but for me it was like a hint. Possibly over the years she worked out, up to a point, how to communicate with me?

The Boyfriend says is better off with me, but the thing is, she probably felt like she was intruding and in a care home she knows she is in the right place around other people who are like her.

I slept well last night, I woke up once or twice but didn’t feel anxiety at all and fell back asleep immediately. So at least the risk of another psychotic episode is gone now. I’m actually quite proud of myself that I managed such a stressful time without a relapse while I was not on permanent medication.

Now I just need to find a job and all will be well.