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Always playing a devil’s advocate
According to Cambridge dictionary a devil’s advocate is ‘someone who pretends, in an argument or discussion, to be against an idea or plan that a lot of people support, in order to make people discuss and consider it in more detail’ I just finished a meeting with two tutors from my uni and it was…
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A few more words about punishment
Today after work I waited 40 minutes for a bus that was supposed to be there every 10 minutes. And it was freezing! I would normally get home in 15 minutes walk but I had the idea to go to Lidl for some groceries. I have a lot of food at home but I was…
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I didn’t pass my first uni assignment
I just checked. The pass mark was 50% and I received 45%. I don’t actually know what was wrong with it, I can’t find any feedback. Possibly the problem was that I criticised a theory I was meant to praise; I don’t know, I didn’t find an explanation for it. And anyway if that was…
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I’m not a role model, am I?
When I started blogging that was how I saw it: I wanted to use this platform to somehow give other autistic people guidance on how to live their life and to do that I felt I needed to improve myself first. What happened instead I turned the blog into journal. Is it useful? I don’t…
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This option is not available. Trigger warning
It came to a point that I Googled assisted death in Netherlands. Unfortunately I don’t experience ‘unbearable suffering with no prospect of improvement’. It feels unbearable at times but I didn’t really try to improve my mental health. Anyway, as I said on the blog a few times, I believe my suicidal thoughts are a…
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What it is that I actually want?
Is it possible to know? And can I stop being unhappy somehow? I didn’t manage to fill in the online study withdrawal form because there’s an error on submitting. If I still wanted to study and all of this was just a little bit bigger meltdown I’d probably decide that’s a notification for me to…
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I’m not satisfied with my uni course
I was typing about it earlier on and I even considered if the problem is possibly that I am in fact bipolar. I mean I keep changing my mind too quickly. And then I suddenly felt like I knew what I wanted to do. I stopped typing and emailed our tutor asking for refund. The…
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‘You can’t be autistic’ a poem by Kit Foxworth
You can’t be autistic, that’s what they will sayWhen you finally find the courage to speak up one day You can’t be autistic, because you’re a “girl”As though boys are the only ones who belong to that world You can’t be autistic, because my neighbour’s nephew’s friend isAnd you’re nothing like him, after all, he’s…
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Autistic and me 