After work I waited 40 minutes for a bus that was supposed to be there every 10 minutes. And it was freezing! I would normally get home in 15 minutes walk but I had the idea to go to Lidl for some groceries. I have a lot of what I needed at home but I was running low on apples and I eat at least two every single day. I’m quite funny with apples, they need to be rather soft while most UK apples are really hard so I either get them from Polish shop or get some overripe golden delicious from Lidl.

I was waiting and waiting for this bus and at some point that thought popped into my head: this is a punishment.

What for? I asked myself. For wanting apples?

This is what Catholic Church did to me: that’s how priest would explain everything that didn’t go well when someone was trying to improve their life. A married couple with children was building a bigger house and their daughter got cancer – it was God’s punishment for wanting more. Buying a car, a colour tv; travelling – all of those actions deserved punishment.

How come those beliefs are still with me?

The only thing that people were allowed to go after was education. But during communism that didn’t give higher salary.

Maybe that’s why I am so unhappy lately? Having a blog is a form of going after what I want; an attempt to create a life where my voice will be heard. If I become depressed it means I can continue without being punished in any other way. At least that’s one of the possible explanation. Do you think my mind could come up with such a game?

After I did my shopping I managed to catch a bus just a minute before it left the bus stop. What does that mean? That punishment got deferred and I can have my apple I suppose.