This option is not available. Trigger warning

It came to a point that I Googled assisted death in Netherlands. Unfortunately I don’t experience ‘unbearable suffering with no prospect of improvement’. It feels unbearable at times but I didn’t really try to improve my mental health. Anyway, as I said on the blog a few times, I believe my suicidal thoughts are a result of the fact that my instinct plays a finite game with life and it believes that when a game doesn’t work for me it needs to be ended and then another game starts that may have better prospects of winning. Playing infinite game would be better and I’m trying but sometimes my brain refuses.

And guess what happened after reading about assisted death? I feel better.

I believe this is because my instinct understands symbols and reading about death was a symbol of one. This way I got a new life.

Mind you, it’s difficult to say whether I support an assisted death but I think it’s sad that some people, who really want to finish their life have no other choice but to do it in a way that inflicts pain and is extremely traumatic for their families.

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