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My mum always wanted to help
Mum doesn’t understand how things work in modern society. Once, I remember, she gave me her ID card asking to go to her bank to ask about something, but I was not authorised to have access to her account. She didn’t understand that, she thought having her ID card will be enough. But she always…
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My mum used to live with me, in the UK
My mum used to take those meds called clonazepan, they’re strong tranquillisers. None of us knew they can cause shaking and having difficulties with finding the right words. She looked like she had beginning stages of Alzheimer or possibly Lewy body dementia. She actually was in psychiatric hospital for a bit at some point, the…
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No more visits at mum’s
When I was doing the online training, connection went off after the first break and, as the rain stopped, I decided I’m going to see mum. I went there only to find out that visits in all care homes and hospitals in Poland has been suspended. I was allowed to see her very briefly, I…
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Heavy rain
It’s raining heavily today again so no point going to town. The clothes I was wearing yesterday are still wet. Tumble dryers are completely unknown here, unless something changed just recently. I stopped playing Redecor when I’m here. At first I had some issues with internet connection – I use data roaming on my mobile…
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More sleep
I managed to get another 3h of sleep but woke up with a headache and the same strange pressure around the heart that I used to get every morning for several months after I went off pregabalin. It was never confirmed by doctors this was from pregabalin withdrawal, more over they didn’t seem to know…
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Woke up early
I went to sleep just after 22.30 and woke up before 2am. That’s not a lot of sleep, but should be ok in terms of my mental health (my two psychotic episodes were inducted by stress and insomnia.) Strange that I don’t feel tired at all. It would still be nice to sleep now. It’s…
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Never say that to psychiatric patient with Asperger’s
When I was in psychiatric hospital after my second psychotic episode I asked the staff what is going to happen with me if I don’t get better and he said ‘Just take your medication’. For me that sounded like if he was telling me to take an overdose. Of course I knew that’s not what…
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Knitted socks
I often wonder, how come someone who has no relationship, almost no friends and can’t keep a job, can be such a skillful manipulator like my brother. I feel bad now about everything that I have. I feel like I should think and worry about him, about the fact that he has no food and…
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My family
I was cleaning the house yesterday thinking ‘this is my family now, it’s not going to get any better than that.’ My brother has some serious issues with self neglect so it wasn’t an easy task. I found my mum’s glasses, the two pairs that I organised for her when she was staying with me…
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The neurotypical disorder
I’m not someone who claims autism is not a disability. Oh, by all means, it is. It was the inability to predict other people behaviour that put me into all those troubles with Home Group and the employment tribunal case, where I ended up developing psychotic episode. That wasn’t what I wanted, believe me. You…
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Autistic and me 