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My suicide attempt
I hope this won’t be triggering for anybody so first of all, let me clarify that I didn’t really want to die. And yet, I took 18 lorazepams at once. I actually thought I took 19 but the 19th was still in the box, although the seal was broken. The box contained 20 and I…
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Dating drama
Trigger warning: contains description of some difficult events and mentions serious suicidal thoughts and one suicidal action. I got my mum’s mobile fixed, I exchanged the slippers I bought for her yesterday (they were too narrow) and I had lunch. That’s not much, I suppose, is it? But I feel so low. I only left…
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My future job
When I was reading online about how one may end up on safeguarding barred list (being on one would prevent me from ever getting job in care) I found two conflicting sources of information: one stated that I have to provide my interpretation of events or I’ll be put on it, the other that I…
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Don’t ask me direct questions please
It is normally said that autistics are bad communicators but when I spoke with my diagnostician, I always knew straight away what she wanted and I was willing to do that. I felt like she was a whisperer, I’m not exaggerating. I will give one more example here: everyone is saying autistic people should be…
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Is my mum hinting me?
Two days ago, when I visited mum for the first time in her new care home, she told me she wants to live in Poland, unless it’s impossible, then she’ll go back to mine again. It sounded to me like expectation Mind you, she didn’t say ‘In Smardzewice’, where our family home is, just ‘in…
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Hotel quality care home?
Despite of me worrying mum would not want to spend her savings on a care home, she seems to enjoy this bit of luxury. I was allowed to see her in the room today, as the other two beds are vacant; yes, multiple occupancy bedrooms are standard in care homes here, whether government ones or…
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To my prospective employers
I was reading today about how to find a job after one was sacked. It’s not an easy task I suppose. I do hope Job Centre can help me with that as I really lost loads of confidence. I’d really like to go for some kind of job trial where I could see how a…
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Care standards
One of mum’s pressure sores is quite bad, it looks like all the skin has been peeled off of her heel. I’m shocked that the old care home didn’t even inform me. I was really thinking they are taking good care of her. Surprisingly mum said she started liking the new care home and how…
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Worried again
I woke up terribly worried again about my mum: her wellbeing, her care home, her pressure sores and the fact I need to get dressings but don’t know which size to get. Also I need to deliver her medical history to her care home but I don’t know where to get it from, whether it…
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Things went fairly well
Mum was transferred to her new care home today and it seemed to went well, despite me panicking due to having little control. I was not allowed in to check her bags and I’m not sure whether she had her glasses with her. I was also not able to check that in the new care…
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Autistic and me 