I woke up terribly worried again, about everything, my mum, her care home, her pressure sores (I need to get dressings but don’t know which size to get), her medical history (I need to deliver it to her care home but don’t know where to get it from, whether it will all be at her last surgery or do I need to visit every place she was getting any treatment). It feels again like if I walked into the wall. I don’t like like that feeling at all.

I stayed in bed for quite a while after waking up doing exactly this: worrying, until around 8.20am it came to me that I may call the care home and ask what sizes of dressings they need. My level of anxiety went down immediately. I now wonder why I can’t come up with such a simple solutions straight away, without all that mental and emotional effort.

But at least I managed that without any suicidal thoughts this time, so I guess it is a progress. ‘Just keep playing’ I tell myself eventually. Hopefully that will help.