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I feel exhausted (my body image)
I wonder how this is actually possible? After all that sleep I had yesterday? I think I also had a nap after lunch today but I’m not sure. I mean, I don’t remember what I was doing between 2 and 3.30 pm. I did some shopping in Lidl so at least I have food for…
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Lunar feast
That is a title of one of a recent Redecor challenges. And guess what I read? Funeral. This is not the first time when I realised that I twist words into what I have in my head. Possibly that’s why communication with us is so difficult? I wonder, however, if neurotypical people also do that.…
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Even more sleep
So basically yesterday, after having two long midday naps, like 4h in total I also had two evening naps. That’s how I marked mum’s funeral day. I then woke up at 22.30 and I decided it’s time to actually go to sleep so I changed into pj, brushed my teeth and slept till 7.40am. I’m…
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I don’t know how I feel
This is apparently normal for us, autistics. I mean, not that I never know how I feel: when I’m upset, I’m usually perfectly aware of that. But now I’m really confused. Not only I don’t know how I feel, I also don’t know how I’m ‘supposed’ to feel. Perhaps my confusion is caused by years…
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I really am in danger. It makes sense now.
I just got an email newsletter titled ‘How to cure sore throat naturally’. I thought, I didn’t have a sore throat in twenty years, so I deleted it without reading. And then I shivered. It made me think that I may be in danger from my brother. Possibly. I mean, I still wish to believe…
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I cried today
For just a few minutes. First time since I found out my mum died. It was really strange. Someone from my village post a photo of another lady from our village, a tiny bit younger than my mum, with a note that her funeral will be on Wednesday. My mum’s funeral is tomorrow, Tuesday and…
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I feel like an adult now
This is really strange, I realised it yesterday evening and woke up at 2am today, probably to think about it. Did it ever happen to you that you woke up early if you have an issue to think about? That happens to me sometimes. It feels like my brain decided that working out what is…
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My Sunday
I still feel reasonably calm, considering what is happening and I also managed to sleep OK last night, the same like the last couple of nights. It was six hours only, which is not a lot since I started using Sleep School app but considering what I am going through and the fact I didn’t…
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Can relationship be a separate entity?
I spent part of my Sunday on listening to podcasts about relationships. I especially remember the interview with dr Guy Winch, a relationship psychologist who talked about concept of seeing a relationship as a separate entity. It’s not the first time I came accross that concept and I must say I don’t understand it at…
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It’s complicated
That is my current relationship status on Facebook. I’m not quite sure why I chose it because, when I first broke up with John, I told him it’s definitely over. Our relationship seemed to be devoid of passion lately and I can’t blame it on anyone, not even myself. I guess this is what happens…
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Autistic and me 