It’s complicated

That is my current relationship status on Facebook. I’m not quite sure why I chose it because, when I first broke up with John, I told him it’s definitely over.

Our relationship seemed to be devoid of passion lately and I can’t blame it on anyone, not even myself. I guess this is what happens when couples have too many problems to deal with. Even neurotypical couples. I still admired John for being there for me the entire time and providing me with loads of emotional support. From the entire loads of people I ever met, he is exactly this one person who knows how to talk to me when I’m going through difficulties. And possibly that’s why he turned into my counselling service. As much as I appreciated it, I wanted more excitement, I wanted some of that thrill that we used to share when we just met.

A few days after we broke up we decided we need to talk, but that was already after my mum died, so I needed time to process that. I really hope we’ll meet soon though. I wouldn’t want to wait too long.

And when we meet, I hope we’re going to have a really good time. I don’t really want to focus on problems, we were doig that for the entire time we were together. Yes, some things certainly need to be discussed but then I’d so much like if we could just enjoy our company even if we can’t plan our future yet.

Again, this is another thing that I don’t understand in dating advice: apparently if we’re considering getting back together after a breakup, we shouldn’t have sex till after all the problems get discussed, solved and we are sure that they won’t happen again. But then, how can we really be sure? We can’t. Also talking about problems can be a really draining experience, it would certainly be beneficial to include some play breaks while doing that.

I mean, I get it, women are worried that the man may not really be taking them seriously and just pretend he wants to be in a relationship again while in fact he just wants a free sex, but this certainly doesn’t apply to me and John, because, if you remember, he refused to be my friend with benefits (what a shame! I like a bit of a challenge in a dating game).

I really hope he didn’t meet anyone by now. I know it’s only been a few days but who knows? He is so cute and understanding, I’m sure a lot of women would like him, if only they knew how to talk to an autistic man.

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