Do I have to stay where I am?

Yesterday I went to Pilates class at my gym. While everyone was getting ready (I mean we were getting mats and removing our shoes) the trainer made a conversation about it and then turned to me and asked ‘is that your mat?’ It made me feel really strange – like if she was telling me to stay where I was. And what for? She didn’t think I’ll be running around the studio, did she? At least not during Pilates class.

I did hear that autistics use transactional communication style while non autistics use interactional communication style. I tried to read about it and I don’t really get it. Interactional communication is used to build relationships and influence people, while the purpose of transactional communication is to pass messages. In transactional communication every message is important, while interactional communication assume that some of the messenges will be ignored or forgotten. And this is exactly what I do not understand: how come neurotypicals are even able to use hints if their model of communication allows for messages to be forgotten or ignored? How do they know what needs interpreting and what needs ignoring? And, most importantly, why are they going mad with people who don’t get hints? That doesn’t really add up, does it?

In the example with the mat it was possible that the trainer saw new face and wanted to say something – whatever came to her mind. But how come people are supposed to actually know what she meant? And because I don’t know, I’ll stay with my own interpretation, I do apologise.

Apart from that things are fine, I would say. I’m still enjoying my new job and hope things will be fine. I do feel my life is a bit empty after work though. It would probably help if I found myself a friend or even a family member. Where can I get a family member from, do you know? I’ll check later if I can get one online.

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