I have this problem with fatigue since after my first psychotic episode. At first I didn’t feel tired every day, only after having panic attack. And the panic attacks were caused, at first, by emails from employment tribunal, but after a while I had them every evening.

I remember one day, a day after experiencing an attack, my mum asked me to go to the shop with her and I felt so overwhelmed by waiting for our turn to shop that I had to leave and wait outside. I think it was November. It was cold and I was hoping to quickly go home and sit down. I felt absolutely exhausted, but now I feel even worse than then.

I’m in bed thinking that I won’t be able to get out and even make myself a cup of coffee. It seems like I can’t even move my arm. But then, eventually I do get up and I’m fine. It seems like I’m more tired when I’m in bed than when I actually get up and do something.

So I’m wondering, maybe that’s the anxiety? The every day reading about Ukrainians and the war. The worry that, who knows, possibly this man will attack Poland at some point? I know one thing, he’s unpredictable.

But I don’t feel anxious, you know? I certainly don’t have panic attacks. I just feel so extremely fatigued, it’s unbelievable. Oh, BTW, I sleep well recently, approximately 8.5h a night, so it’s not insomnia either.

At some point soon I need to answer a question if I want to stay off sick any longer or go back to work. This time was given to me to adjust to the fact that my mum is no longer here and instead of that I spent it mostly worried about the war. There were some days that were good though. Like that Sunday when I exercised at the gym for almost 2h. I thought I’d be ok after that. But then, if I’m more tired when resting than when actually doing things, perhaps going back to work is not a bad idea?

I wish someone could tell me what is good for me.

It’s 8.30am. It’s still 2h before I need to leave for my radio meeting. I’ll see if listening to music is going to help how I feel.