Ok, just a quick post as I’m really tired today. I barely had any sleep last night, that’s how bad the mattress in the previous hotel was. Now I’m in Weymouth and trying to rest but I feel like the whole idea of blogging about autism specific communication is suddenly overwhelming me. Possibly there is no such thing? Who knows? The idea of a blog came from meeting my diagnostician, who, I noticed, was really skilled in communicating with me, which then made me want to work out how she was doing it so that I could improve communication with my autistic boyfriend without being too direct.

I did even wrote a post about how I decided to turn mine and The Boyfriend’s dinners into ‘surprises’ which then in fact made him more relaxed about what’s for dinner, yes, but after a while the pressure moved to breakfast. I did think recently that possibly the issue here is that surprise means something special, not just something unexpected so possibly he is ok with the unexpected bit when he eats dinner and then he is like: wait a minute, what’s special about it so he wants something special for the next meal.

It did come to me also that technically me and The Boyfriend never agreed that I’m going to feed him when he comes over so he is anxious if food is going to be available at all? I’m not sure, just guessing. The problem here is that, even though I’m also autistic, I find it impossible to imagine what he is thinking. Partly it maybe because we, autistics, fit everything into patterns that we already know and my and his patterns are different. Food seems to be a big part of a dating game in the UK (‘is he taking you out for dinner?’, ‘I’ll cook for you’) while in Poland people eat whatever when they date, first dates are usually cinemas and actual eating out usually only happens when you’re in commited relationship, and still not too often.

It’s possible then that The Boyfriend feels confused about my relaxed attitude to food and he thinks that means I don’t love him enough? Again, that is just a guess, but I am beginning to see that instead of trying to hint him I need to speak with him openly.

Anyway, what I wanted to say here was that when I went for breakfast today in my previous hotel in Portland there was nothing cooked but croissants and yoghurt were there. Exactly like the receptionist hinted two days ago. My first thought was, ok, I did get this right then but then I immediately thought something was wrong. Like you know, if she was only hinting, why the things are there exactly how she said? If she wanted me to know exactly what is going to happen, she would have said ‘we are unable to serve cooked breakfast on the second day of your stay but croissants and yoghurt will be provided’.

If she was hinting then croissants and yoghurt were only symbols of ‘something simple that doesn’t need cooking’ so why not cheese or ham for example? Did shop not have any other choices that would make the hotel staff inspired? Or possibly they had some croissants and yoghurt sitting in the pantry and needing eating but then if the cook only went off sick with covid recently and before that cooked breakfast was standard then croissants and yoghurt shouldn’t be in pantry… Can you see where I’m going with this? It looks like it makes sense when it doesn’t.

What I wanted to say was that seeing the food items like in the hint (I mean brioche was also there, but it’s almost the same thing like croissants) really freaked me out. I even though for a bit that someone read my blog and wanted to let me know I’m getting things correctly. But then, wow, I am not that popular let’s be honest. If it continues like that however, I mean me overthrinking the communication I’d need to close the blog for my own mental health.

Although I can, I suppose, write about how I got sectioned in 2019. I promised it and never got down to do it. Maybe we’ll find a way though. I have too many posts to delete them. I can always take a little break, I suppose.

One more explanation: what the receptionist said (Please see previous croissant post) meant to me that yoghurt ad croissants are always available but because sausages were meant to be offered on the first day, I thought I’d just eat sausages. Andon the second day sausages weren’t meant to be offered, therefore I’d be left with croissants and yoghurt. She didn’t say a word about breakfast for the second day, it was just how I interpreted her words.

End of! I’m fed up with autism specific communication skills!