Love mum

I arranged the transport for monday 11am and I can go with mum. I can’t wait to see her, I hope she will be happy in her new place.

I keep thinking how vulnerable she is now and how much I want to protect her. Nothing else matters now. Forget the money, we’ll all cope somehow, and that includes my brother.

It’s a hot day, 11.20am. I came back to my hostel at least 30 minutes ago and trying to work out where to move my website. It seems like I’m addicted to blogging now and the current website is not enough with it’s 99 posts per website limit.

Btw what’s the limit for? You’d think that the purpose of blog is to add more posts!

I didn’t want to start wordpress blog as I found all available options too much to understand. It’s possible to have wordpress blog with wordpress hosting and wordpress blog with a different hosting and this is already too much as I start wondering what wordpress actually is if it’s possible to host wordpress on wordpress.

I feel slighty tired after not being able to sleep well two days in a row and it’s quite possible I’ll have a nap soon.


I was telling you that I discovered that my suicidal thoughts that appear when things are not working well, which doesn’t have to be anything serious, are only an attempt to end the game that I’m playing. It’s my instinct, that doesn’t make any sense, that is telling me that if one game ends, another will start and it’s likely to be easier.

So now, when things get difficult, I tell myself that I need to keep playing. I try to imagine another couple of steps in the game that I’m playing and do the same mental leap that I did when I found out that an interview with me will be published on 21st of September (I actually asked for it to be a bit later, due to the issues with my website). It seems to be helping: ‘keep playing, things will happen eventually’.

I really want to talk to mum, see her tiny figure and face. I keep remember how she asked ‘how much do I owe you’, she was so cute and vulnerable. I want to give her a hug and make sure no one will hurt her again.

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