It’s hard to imagine, I know

It is said that people with Asperger’s can’t imagine how others are feeling and what to say to make them feel better. But then, it was my neurotypical colleague who used to say that the problems that I have with my mum are not real problems, because her mum had Alzheimer’s and taking care of her was really difficult.

But then, taking care of my mum was also difficult and I didn’t have the excuse that she has Alzheimer’s. When I was going to work for 8am, she’d get into my bedroom the moment she realised I’m awake because she needed to talk about my brother and his drinking. It was like that almost every day, up to a point when I wanted to scream.


One day she started argument with me because I bought a packet of penne when I still had spaghetti. ‘You need to save money’ she was screaming. ‘What for?’ – I asked. – ‘So that bank staff could steal it from me?’ And don’t get me wrong, I am quite good with money, but the penne was probably 67p and it wasn’t like it needed to be eaten immediately.

Another day she walked into my bedroom when I was changing and was in my underwear, to show me where my grey trousers were. Am I five years old, I thought?

It seemed like she was obsessed with making herself useful and was unable to be happy by just being. How is she going to cope in the care home, where she won’t even need to cook or do shopping?

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