Living in the moment

I am unhappy a lot recently; again. And you know what I realised today? I was much more happier before I moved to my flat. Before I moved to my flat I used to live in Reading and my flat is in Swindon, but I don’t think the change of town is what made me unhappy.

Before I bought my flat I was living in the moment. Now it seems to me like I should make everything permanent. And that is what puts me into trouble because some things are not meant to be permanent. Like the job in Home Group for example. I knew it wasn’t for me, why didn’t I leave then? Because it seemed like good long term prospect. I forgot about how I felt in the moment and kept chasing long term stability. The same with the other company that dismissed me. I wasn’t happy there for a little while but I did nothing to leave. When you unhappy at work it shows, unfortunately, and people don’t want you to be around.

Now I am concerned that I started treating my blog like a tool to chase long term stability. When I published my book that was it, my happiness from posting almost daily vanished and I started being concerned about where this is going. And maybe this is not going anywhere, but then does it really matter if I feel like it makes me feel better in the moment?

It seems to me like stability is something that I should chase at this stage of my life; it seems to me like I should have more. But then I get upset with myself and want to change all my life, sell my flat and move to Australia. Why those thoughts even appear in my head? Possibly they mean stability is not really for me; possibly looking for stability is only a form of masking?

Possibly I noticed that’s what successful people do and I try to copy them but what if this is what is making me unhappy so I end up sabotaging my own efforts.

As you can see buying a property is not a magical solution for long term life satisfaction.

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