That’s what I’ve been thinking: a lot of my problems with people is caused by me trying to be ‘nice’ and comply with social rules that they choose for the conversation. For example I answer questions that I don’t want to answer only because they asked. And it doesn’t bring me anywhere, I didn’t make a single friend this way.

But then, what should I do instead? I don’t want to be rude. Would it make sense to expect my instinct to guide me through those situations? I relied on it while going through various troubles and it somehow almost always took me where I wanted to be (although, I can think of one situation where that wasn’t the case and the price I paid for following my instinct was rather high). But I never rely on it in situations where social rules are important. What would happen if I did?

I almost feel like I want life to test me now, put me in a tricky social situation so that I can ask myself: what is it that I really want to do now? instead of seconguessing myself like I always do.

But then, my instinct in social situations is so wrong sometimes, it’s shocking. Sometimes it’s the instinct that tells me to say inappropriate jokes, or at least that’s how I see it, because I simpy have an urge to say them.