Should I stop trying to be nice?

That’s what I’ve been thinking: a lot of my problems with people is caused by me trying to be ‘nice’ and comply with social rules that they choose for the conversation. For example I answer questions that I don’t want to answer only because they asked. And it doesn’t bring me anywhere, I didn’t make a single friend this way.

But then, what should I do instead? I don’t want to be rude. Would it make sense to expect my instinct to guide me through those situations? I relied on it while going through various troubles and it somehow always took me where I wanted to be (although, I can think of one situation where the price I paid for it was rather high). But I never rely on it in situations where social rules are important. What would happen if I did?

I almost feel like I want life to test me now, put me in a tricky social situation so that I can ask myself: what is it that I really want to do now? instead of seconguessing myself like I always do. Obviously, when it happens, I won’t forget to tell you.

But then, my instinct is so wrong sometimes, it’s shocking. Sometimes it’s the instinct that tells me to say inappropriate jokes, or at least that’s how I see it, because I have an urge to say them.

So should I listen to my instinct in social situations or not? And that brings me to the conclusion that I need to avoid people to get rid of my problems with them.

2 responses to “Should I stop trying to be nice?”

  1. Noooo… Don’t avoid people ! Just pause when someone asks you something. Go ‚hmm’ and then ‚ you know’ before you answer. That’s what I do. I gives me a moment to reflect on what they are saying and allows me to internally edit how much I want to share. I am an introvert, not autistic, but social situations such as groups of more that 3 or 4 make me anxious and I often find myself not talking at all because I don’t know how to ‚ jump into the conversation.’

    There are kind people out there – continue being as courageous as you are !

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh, thank you for your kind words!

      I actually prefer being with 3 or more people, it’s much easier to navigate conversation by turning everything into a joke. While in 1-2-1 situations people like asking tricky questions and something I think, whatever I say, will always be wrong.

      Liked by 1 person

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