That’s what I’ve been thinking: a lot of my problems with people is caused by me trying to be ‘nice’ and comply with social rules that they choose for the conversation. For example I answer questions that I don’t want to answer only because they asked. And it doesn’t bring me anywhere, I didn’t make a single friend this way.

But then, what should I do instead? I don’t want to be rude. Would it make sense to expect my instinct to guide me through those situations? I relied on it while going through various troubles and it somehow always took me where I wanted to be (although, I can think of one situation where the price I paid for it was rather high). But I never rely on it in situations where social rules are important. What would happen if I did?

I almost feel like I want life to test me now, put me in a tricky social situation so that I can ask myself: what is it that I really want to do now? instead of seconguessing myself like I always do. Obviously, when it happens, I won’t forget to tell you.

But then, my instinct is so wrong sometimes, it’s shocking. Sometimes it’s the instinct that tells me to say inappropriate jokes, or at least that’s how I see it, because I have an urge to say them.

So should I listen to my instinct in social situations or not? And that brings me to the conclusion that I need to avoid people to get rid of my problems with them.