So, those who read me regularly (it seems that there are a couple of people who do) may know that an inspiration to set up this blog was my focus on how autistics communicate and how different it may be from neurotypical communication (but how do neurotypical communicate???). By communication I don’t just mean how we use words to pass on messages but also how we use our actions and how we understand statements made by other people and how we interpret their actions.
I make an effort to write about it when something worth mentioning happens but I also ended up writing about my personal problems, my feelings, my mental health and, well… The Company.
What happened between me and The Company has been described in more details in My Story, but they are anonymous there. What the story doesn’t mention is, when I tried to access mental health treatment in Poland, after I ended up there, my PTSD was misdiagnosed by doctors as schizophrenia and it took them good couple of months to finally put me on strong anti anxiety meds.
The Company is a real organisation, a large housing association that gets paid by government to support people with mental health problems. They are called Home Group, you can Google them, they’re real, they have head office in Newcastle, UK.
So the issue with them is such: I had problems with a colleague there that turned into bulling. It was at the same time when I realised I’m autistic so I asked my GP to refer me for diagnosis. I was thinking naively, as autistics are much more likely to get bullied, if I have the diagnosis, the bulling will have to stop. To make the matter worse, the autism diagnostic centre agreed to bring my appointment forward due to my work situation, which for me was like if they said I was right: yes, diagnosis will make the bulling stop.
Let me tell you, it didn’t. It only made the matter worse. So I finally handed in my notice and took them to employment tribunal. In their response to my claim Home Group stated that my diagnosis was private and they paid for it, but it was on NHS and my employer never got involved.
That was the last straw, the direct reason for me developing psychosis.
How did I feel at the time? Frightened a lot. I thought they’re everywhere, I imagined they made friends with my doctors and were telling everybody not to listen to what I had to say. I thought they made friends with the judge in tribunal, with my job coach in Job Centre (however, that bit could actually be true). When I got to Poland, travelling as my hallucinations started, I thought they followed me, I had hallucinations when they came into my house to drag me out of it, put into their car, drive to the forest somewhere far away so that no one could ever find my body, then they tell me to dig my own grave so that I’d never speak again.
A couple of times I tried hiding in the bathroom, behind the bath, on the floor or climbed to the attic, even though there’s no heating there and I’m oversensitive to cold. That’s how frightened I was.
I remember running through the church full of people because something that the priest said frightened me.
I was then frantically trying to find a place to hide and found one near the church organs. The organ player was a bit concerned by my strange behaviour and tried to find out the reason for it but I refused to speak up. Finally I gave him the piece of paper that I had in my trousers pocket: ‘Home Group wants to kill me because I wanted to campaign’ – that’s what it said.
He asked if he should call the police but I refused. I was sure police was also involved and convinced by Home Group to never listen to what I have to say.
So those were my delusions and hallucinations, however, they were based on the truth: Home Group would not want me to speak up, would they? Also they didn’t need to make friends with doctors or police: they just created a situation that was so unbelievable on social level that no one would ever believe it.
Put such a lie in an official document for employment tribunal? Who would do that??? They’d loose!
That’s why doctors in Poland diagnosed me with schizophrenia: they just didn’t believe what happened to me.
And Home Group didn’t loose because I couldn’t take it no more. How smart was that?!
So what is going to happen now???
It is said that autistics are not good at predicting other people behaviour. But then, are neurotypicals that much better than us? If psychiatrists in Poland didn’t believe what happened to me, they’d also would not be able to predict it may happen.
So, what is going to happen now? I informed The CEO, Mr Henderson twice already that I write about the situation on my website and that I revealed The Company name. There was no reaction.
I sarcastically asked him if they’re going to threaten to sue me for slander but there’s no slander here, I’m only stating the facts.
I think they didn’t look far enough in the future hoping I’m not going to recover. Yes, they are paid by government to support people with mental health problems, but they’re not paid to support me so my mental health doesn’t matter.
But I didn’t set up this blog to talk about what Home Group did to me, did I? I set it up to talk about my autistic view of the world around. Yet Home Group is part of my story, and an important one. And please don’t tell me I could have just continued calling them The Company because if I’d do that no one would believe it. People would think I’d made it all up.
So what is going to happen now, if they can’t sue me for slander? What are they going to do??? Hack WordPress services so that no one would ever find this website? That’s the only thing that comes to my mind.
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