I spent yesterday looking through some job adverts and thinking what to do with myself. I was seriously considering getting a care job through an agency, even though I don’t drive so it may be difficult getting from place to place, but I thought working through an agency will give me the chance to avoid all the politics, that I can’t cope with.

Finally, towards the end of the day, I had that unpleasant realisation: whatever I chose to do it will end up being another thing on the list of places where I don’t fit in.

The fact that I’m autistic doesn’t meant I don’t care whether I fit in or not. I do care a lot about it, but I wish it was easier. I wish people would find it interesting when I talk about stuff that are important to me.

I like being with people at work and our superficial, short conversations, what I don’t like is when I find out that during the last 2 weeks they developed special bond with another staff member and they’re ready to make our chat even shorter to have more time to speak with that other person.

I don’t normally have the impression that people don’t like me, they do, it’s just that I’m their second best. I mean second, if there are two of us to choose from or, in general, the last best if there are more people.

I think, possibly I should use this time I have now to fully explore what I can do about that as otherwise I’ll never be able to be anywhere close to happy at work.

But then, can I actually do something about it at all? Is anything going to work? Did anybody ever succeed at getting reasonable adjustments to get people to like them more?