I am on leave at the moment, and I really thought I would finally get something done with my community interest company. Instead, I seem to be spending an enormous amount of time thinking about what it should actually be.
I don’t know if it’s my autism that makes me so confused. But then, apparently Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk are autistic too, and if their thinking was as slow as mine, they probably wouldn’t have achieved half of what they have.
A few days ago, I had another look at the list of Gallup strengths. As you may know, I strongly identify with Significance, but now I’m wondering whether I might also be influenced by Context — the strength that wants to understand the whole background story when presented with new information.
But I thought everyone was like that. Background information is extremely important, isn’t it? Not just when you’re trying to create a business. Maybe one day my brain will finally decide that I know enough and that I can actually move forward.
I went to London last week for two nights. The main purpose of the trip was to visit a few museums, and that part was definitely achieved. I also wanted to get a little bit of rest, though, and that didn’t go quite so well.
I stayed in a hostel because hotels in London are so expensive. My roommates were fine, nobody disturbed me, I had earplugs, the bed was comfortable and I slept reasonably well. But I was out the entire time I wasn’t asleep — I did 20,000 steps on the first day! So when I came home, I felt tired rather than rested.
And yet I still wanted to do more and more. Thinking, planning, walking, a Hyrox class… until it finally happened: I didn’t sleep very well one night.
I took a sleeping tablet on the second night and again on the third. And yet I still feel hyper.
So I finally had to be honest with myself: I am at risk of developing an episode.
And that means I am finally trying to rest today.
I did an easy gym class, went grocery shopping and only did 6,000 steps. I also had an extra meal when I got home because even feeling slightly hungry seems to make me more hyper.
Remember, I’m on leave at the moment.
So, apparently, not working doesn’t necessarily mean peace and happiness for me.
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