Autistic and me

So I mentioned that I opened a community interest company in March. I also mentioned that I’m aiming to donate iPads to artists facing barriers because, who knows, maybe digital art will open new avenues for them, like it did for me.

But that wasn’t really the original plan.
In my registration form I stated that if the company ever generated a surplus, I would use some of it to donate iPads. As it’s a community interest company, I’m not supposed to draw profits (although I can pay myself a salary, which I don’t, as I’m not earning anything). But donating iPads was never meant to be the main activity.

I spent two months preparing to set it up, researching and thinking things through. By giving myself time, I wanted to make sure I wasn’t doing something unwise because, who knows, maybe I was just going through a slightly manic phase.

And yet, after I set it up, I kept thinking. That’s when I came up with the idea of focusing on donating iPads. It would be more inspiring, wouldn’t it? I’ve always wanted to do something inspiring and important. I think Significance would probably score quite highly in my Gallup strengths, although I’ve never actually taken the test. It wouldn’t be my top strength though. That would definitely be Intellectual.

I wanted to do something inspiring before I die. I also wanted to experience the same feeling I had when I finally learned animation properly. I think the word for that feeling is pride.

But there was another reason.
I often feel as if I’m locked inside a jar. Life is happening all around me, but I can’t quite connect with it.
So I opened the CIC and only then started wondering how on earth I was actually going to make any money with it.

I came up with a particular idea and, because I suffer from a bad case of the IKEA effect, I initially thought it was brilliant. Only when I started looking into it more closely did I realise it was unlikely to work, mostly because it wasn’t nearly as much fun as I thought it would be.

Yes, I want my CIC to be fun. Otherwise, why do it? Wouldn’t it be easier to just stick with a day job?Now I want to close the whole thing. Although even if I do, I’ll still have to do the accounting. Also what would the husband think of me?