Autistic and me

As I mentioned before, I recently opened a Community Interest Company called Yestem Project. The company will focus on improving access to digital creativity for artists facing barriers including donating refurbished iPads.

How did it come to this? Well, it started because I wanted another dopamine hit.
Just over a year ago, I opened a YouTube channel where I publish abstract visuals based on patterns and geometric shapes. At first, the visuals were simply an attempt to do something with my existing pattern work. But after I created a few pieces, I really liked the effects — the experience of seeing a pattern in motion was fascinating. After a few more experiments, I realised it was possible to design visuals in a way that makes the viewer unsure whether the pattern is in front of or behind the shapes. This effect is achieved using what are called blending modes.

That’s when I really got hooked. I felt as if I had found my creative voice. The fact that I was doing it all myself made it even more exciting — there were no tutorials for this kind of work, and I had to figure it out on my own.

It was a huge confidence boost.

I feel a bit ashamed to admit that, despite being 47 at the time, I had never felt anything quite like that before. I did well at school, especially in maths, and it was always satisfying to get good grades, but I was never inspired by it in this way. I had never felt this level of creative excitement before.

So I kept making the visuals, and I doubt I will ever stop — working on them has become a form of stimming for me. However, the intense feeling of discovery gradually faded after about a year. I found myself wanting to feel that sense of novelty and achievement again. That’s what led me to start Yestem Project. The project is still in its early stages, and I do still feel that sense of newness.

I have an idea of how to earn money and if this particular plan doesn’t work out I’ll think of something else. One could argue that I should have it all planned out and only then set up a project around it. But as I said — I was chasing a dopamine hit. I am now really curious how it will all work out.