It’s Easter Sunday. It was just yesterday when I post that I’d like John to come over for a bit longer than a few hours but I don’t want to put him in a situation where he has to change his plans. Today I want to cancel: I feel depressed again.

Good weather turned out to be temporary fix.

My appointment with psychiatrist is in just over two weeks. I want to ask to try lamotrigine which is a mood stabiliser that mostly works on depression spectrum of bipolar. I want to continue taking olanzapine which is there to help with mania, but it seems that it’s also reducing some depression symptoms, I mean I don’t feel hopeless or sad, just slightly anxious and extremely low on motivation, to the point that I sometimes only have three drinks between 6am when I usually wake up and 6pm. Sometimes I even skip meals due to depression, but not that often.

It’s 7.30am; John is supposed to come over in 3 hours. I don’t want him to see me like that. I still have to take a shower, wash my hair and wear one of my dresses. I put the heating on to make everything more bearable.

Roll on evening. I want this day to end.