As some of you may be aware, I broke off with a friend on the blog some time in the middle of August last year. It probably wasn’t very elegant and I wonder whether prioritising creating content was the right approach but it happened and also I never revealed that friend name so the only person who knew the blog post was about her was she (and possibly John, if he read it).

Basically what happened was she lied to me about something ages ago and kept maintaining that lie over the years. It wasn’t anything that affected me but it definitely affected how I saw her. Then, when I started blogging she must have realised I understand people better than she thought and she became dismissive; kept reading my blog but criticised it and I wondered, if she didn’t like it, why she kept reading.

Then, when I realised she must have lied to me it became clear to me she wanted to make me doubt my own thought process. It upset me a lot, so much that I considered it ok to post about it. But by doing this I not only created content, I also created drama. I now occasionally miss her as our friendship certainly had some positives. I wonder whether a neurotypical person would deal with this any better? I could have kept quiet and keep in limited contact with her and just never let the conversation go into certain areas.

But then, what would I have out of that friendship? I really do not like people who pretend they are better than they really are, you cannot learn anything from them.

And yet, I keep thinking how I read somewhere that autistic females have more drama in their life. Maybe neurotypical person would really manage the situation better, or possibly they’d spot red flags earlier and would never let the friendship develop in the first place?

Now, a few months after that dramatic end, I’m friendless and disappointed. Reaching out to her doesn’t make sense: I’d have to sincerely apologise for making a post about her, while the real problem, her lie, wouldn’t probably get an opportunity to be discussed. She’ll probably actually insist that she told me the truth.

I miss her sometimes but do I want to be friends with someone who I don’t trust? Still, acting out on our impulses is what creates drama and stress.