I just came back from the radio. I managed to record the 3 minutes introduction that I wrote last week. It took me an hour, although, to be quite honest, I’d probably managed much quicker if I wasn’t trying to be a perfectionist. I obviously didn’t like the sound of my voice at first, but I was told this is what everyone is saying and at the end decided my last recording wasn’t bad.

The manager mentioned after that that I could possibly either run interviews or appear on one but that sounds like a foreign concept for now, although I could probably manage when I get to know people a bit.

One of the volunteers who was there today mentioned that he met somebody who is making a film about killer teapot and I found that a fascinating subject. I was wondering what that film may be about and how can teapot be killing people so I googled ‘killer teapot’ and didn’t find anything about the film but apparently killer teapots are the thing. They are really called assassin teapots and contain two chambers: one with tea, the other with poison so you pour tea for yourself, then press a hidden button and your enemy gets tea with poison.

I’m wondering now if that wasn’t some kind of joke or misunderstanding because, although this teapot can certainly be featured, I wouldn’t make an entire film about it.

Before I googled it, I imagined it as an animated teapot that kills people with kung fu techniques. Why kung fu? Because tea is grown in China and kung fu is Chinese. So it’s not like I can’t work with information that is not delivered in a direct way.

At some point also, when I had a chat with three other volunteers, they spoke about education and students with special needs and one said that he used to teach maths and gave students short tasks to work out in their head like ‘two pizzas and chips cost 7 pounds and chips cost 2 pounds, how much is one pizza?’ For other people the conversation continued to be focused on their general experience of education system while I switched off and was trying to work out how much the pizza was and I was convinced I found the hidden meaning! Seriously, I doubt that is what is considered a hidden meaning by a neurotypical. What is the purpose of that little story? If you’re autistic don’t try to work out the hidden meaning because you’re almost guaranteed to get it wrong.

Regarding hidden meanings, I feel much better today about that, in comparison to yesterday but I am really not sure how this is going to go long term. I made a post about this problem to my autistic female group and no one reported to have the same problem, I mean no other person there obsessively looks for hidden meanings in social situations. Two ladies only responded saying they do that due to anxiety but they were doing the same before they realised they’re autistic, so that is completely different scenario than mine. It really looks like what I have is psychiatric injury due to bulling at work. What if it never goes away?

Also at some point during the conversation someone interrupted me and, after they stopped talking I wanted to continue with the subject I spoke about before the interruption. I am aware I’m doing that and it’s not a welcomed behaviour. The guy I was speaking with looked bored when I did this and that actually made me even more persistent about continuing to talk. My mum used to run conversation this way and I could, myself, see it as boring, and even explained to her that she has to learn to go with the flow of the conversation, but I can’t do that myself. At least not with people who I barely know.