Ok, so I’m not very proud of it. Those are things that I do sometimes – I lash out. But only towards people that I don’t respect.
A while ago I promised myself I will not be contacting him again, I know it’s not very elegant and also, what I am doing that for? To demand apology?
But the thing is, I didn’t want to lash out at Mark Henderson this time. I wanted to lash out at Putin but I don’t know his email so Mr Henderson felt like a good replacement.
Yesterday in the morning I saw an article on Facebook about large Ukrainian family who just moved to the UK. The family included 90 years old grandma and the article had a photo of her crying. It is much easier for me to empathise with older people and I felt so sorry for her, needing to move to a different country at this age. With younger people it seems to me that they will find a way to turn this around and use their time in a different country wisely, possibly even turning it into a new opportunity, and, although that obviously doesn’t cancel out their suffering, it makes the situation this little bit better.
For an older person, someone who doesn’t have much life left, they don’t need opportunities, do they? They just want to feel safe.
But also, what I think is at play here, I see older people situation as one dimentional and that makes it easier for me to imagine how they feel. I may be wrong, who knows, but at least I think I understand their emotions.
With younger people, as their situation is more complex, I don’t know what they are feeling. I don’t know whether they have mixed feelings all the time or if they alternate between feeling despair and looking forward to what life is going to bring them. It’s too confusing and stressful trying to imagine that so what I think I’m doing is, I’m trying to block it all out from my consciousness.
So that’s what happened when I was reading that article, I felt enormous wave of empathy towards that elderly lady while at the same time I think I felt some kind of guilt for not being able to feel the same way towards other members of that family.
The family stayed in a house donated by a local businesses man and someone commented underneath that it’s all good but what about ‘our own homeless people’? And I thought, that’s not the right thing to say. With all the support available in this country for people who messed up their life, I’d say if someone stays homeless, they only have themselves to blame. And I thought about my brother. He’s not homeless, but he would be if he couldn’t stay in our family home. I thought about how stubborn he is, about his motto for everything, which is ‘I’ll show you that I’m going to ruin my life because of you. You will see!’ But that doesn’t mean that I have no feelings for my brother. So I have feelings but I can’t do anything, he’s ruining every good deed that anyone does for him.
That was too many emotions and I thought, I am going through that because of Putin. Because of how silly he is. And I wanted to tell him what I really think about him, but I couldn’t of course, so I thought, let me email Mark Henderson instead.
In the first email I briefly explained that I was offered to do some recordings for local radio station but of course will not be discussing what Home Group did to me right at the start, I’ll leave it till later, when the listeners know me a little.
At first I thought I was satisfied but shortly after I felt like I needed to do something more. So I emailed The Independent and copied Mr Henderson in (did I tell you that I don’t agree with talking about people behind their back?)
If you know the story with Home Group, head straight to the last sentence of the attached email, this one that has been highlighted.
The last sentence of that email states: I doubt Home Group would sue, they know I blog about them and they totally ignore that.
Why did I write that, you may ask. Because I am autistic and don’t know how to talk to people to get what I want? Well, I may be autistic but I am very well aware that talking about possibility of court proceedings while pitching an article is not a good idea! And that’s why I wrote about it: I know those words would be off putting for any journalist so I included them because I wanted the journalists to be put off. It’s a hint that I don’t want them to waste their time on me, I’m just using their contact details to sort out my own business and annoy CEO of Home Group. I bet that is not widely known communication technique of autistic people.
Anyway, all of that happened yesterday in the morning. And, as usual, Mark Henderson didn’t reply.
Sometimes I wonder how he is really feeling. It seems to me that him not responding means he doesn’t feel anything, but that can’t be true, can it? He should feel frightened, confused, regretful. But he doesn’t show that at all. And I’m normally very good with pressing other people buttons. I even managed to get Professor Simon Baron-Cohen to say inappropriate things to me. But with Mr Henderson, I can’t. But then, I never had any contact with top level executives. And maybe that’s why they get promoted to their positions: they’re not necessarily that good at what they do (and Mr Henderson cannot be as otherwise he would do the right thing), they just appear like they are, because they’re very difficult to provoke.