Czego ja dożyłam?

The title of this post is in Polish. I don’t even know an expression that I could use to explain how I feel. I guess disbelief is probably the best word here.

I read statement from NASA yesterday that they will still be working together with Russia and I think this is absolutely disgusting. Is UFO more important than people who live on Earth? And I specifically mean here people of Ukraine.

I feel the need to repeatedly check Facebook groups created to help Ukrainians, it’s my way of controlling the situation I guess and trying to make sure that every Ukrainian is going to get allocated what they need.

My mind is shattered and I feel triggered for two days already. I’m somehow managing to control it with the use of Sleep School app and I didn’t take any meds yet. I’m however waiting for some kind of relief, but this is not coming.

I don’t understand how Ukrainian president can negotiate with Russia when they are still bombarding? I guess he feels he has no choice and is trying not to let his pride get in the way of stopping this war, but this must feel terribly humiliating and it is definitely not something I would be able to do.

I do not understand how we’re going to move on from that as a society. Even if Putin ends the war now he will never be respected by any other country. It will not be possible for him to attend any international meetings. And he knows that.

Therefore I believe ending the war is not enough.

I am aware I wrote a couple of posts recently that were not necessarily very kind, however, they reflected what I was thinking so I decided not to delete them. That’s what my blog is for: to record how I’m thinking and feeling. It is my aim to get people to understand us, autistics (obviously every autistic person is different) and this could not be achieved without recording negative thoughts and feelings, and some of them can be caused by people who are close to me.

I am making a constant effort to record things in a neutral way, however, if I don’t succeed sometimes, like when I’m grieving or I’m stressed about the situation in Ukraine (and Poland) then I do apologise if that upsets my readers, still it is a reflection of my mental state when I was typing, so I decided it has to stay.

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