When I realised I’m autistic and that there are levels of communication that I don’t get, I started paying more attention to what is being said in non direct way. For that I didn’t need anyone to prompt me (I described here a while ago how my diagnostician prompted me to see other people perspectives). But the problem is, it wasn’t probably good for me.

The radio station, which is Swindon 105.5, had an electronic sign in book, where I signed in on arrival. But I couldn’t sign out as I was leaving as my name wasn’t on the system. Something that must have been some kind of glitch made me think that I’m being told indirectly not to come back. Strange, isn’t it? The manager spent two hours chatting with me and she seemed keen to have me on volunteers team, and we agreed directly that I’ll start after I’m back from Poland, and yet, the error in online signing book made me think they don’t want me.

Obviously I was aware how ridiculous that interpretation was but ‘my brain’ didn’t want to get it. I think now that was an important factor in my recent amygdala hijack, alongside of not being able to find patterns that would fit what is happening in my life and how this may progress. At times like this I’d really prefer to be neurotypical.

I think I am also more aware of hints of possible rejection as it happened to me quite a few times in the past, so please, do not blame my difficult family situation for that.