The first time I came accross the term mental tiredness was when I started reading about autism. Only then I realised what I was going through every time when I had loads happening in my life: once in a while I had to spend an entire day in bed doing absolutely nothing and the next day I was fine. That only started though when I was in my thirties. I don’t know if it was due to ‘getting older’ (I guess 30+ is not old but levels of hormones are probably going down already) or maybe the fact that ‘adulting’ didn’t really work for me? But still, at the time I only needed one day to recover.
Now I think I barely left my bed for a week. Yesterday I at least watched two films. I thought that would help me relax, but today I seem to be even more tired. I guess I feel a bit guilty. My mum died and I’m watching a comedy? It feels to me like I shouldn’t.
How I recognise whether I’m physically or mentally tired is, I force myself to do things that require some physical effort but not much mental one, like going shopping to a small supermarket to get some basic items that I buy often (so I can easily find them). If I’m physically tired, I will be exhausted. If I’m mentally tired I’ll be surprised to actually feel ok with this task.
Yet, it still feels to me like I should be at home, resting. Why is that? Possibly, if it was a bit warmer, I’d be ok to go for a walk, but it’s only 7C. That’s a bit cold for me!
I was thinking that possibly I shouldn’t be dieting now, but then not eating (that’s how I diet) helps me to reduce the frequency of cooking and shopping so it’s actually helpful.
I’m surprised I still have enough energy to blog, but I guess that’s consistent with the challenge I set for myself: record on how I feel and think, and doing that through the period of grief is very important.
So that was about how I feel: exhausted. And what about my thoughts? I don’t seem to have any at the moment.