Seriously, that happens sometimes, even for us, autistics. I need a lot of time for myself before I start missing people, but it’s not the first time it happened. The last couple of weeks it’s been mostly me at home – even when I was working it was not in settings where social interaction played any significant part.
I would ideally meet some new friends, but as usual, I worry that I won’t get accepted. Realising I’m autistic brought me an understanding why this is happening, however it also made me realise that if I want to be accepted, I need to become someone who I am not. Is it worth it, I often ask myself. Perhaps I would want somebody who’d like to talk to me about my ‘collection of trains’? Maybe this is what I really need?
I’m going out for pizza with some new people from Meetup next week. Well, actually not all of them are new. It’s only the group that is new to me. It’s called Swindon Internationals. But some people there are the same who I already know from a different group and they are British! Isn’t it a bit two-faced of them to sign up there? It’s not that I don’t want to be inclusive, I just genuinely don’t understand!
Anyway, I hope pizza will be nice. It’s apparently made in proper wood burner owen, or however you call this thing. Pizza is not my favourite food, not because of taste but because of my sensory issues. I really prefer to have my food in sauce. Things like curries are my favourite, but I can tolerate pizza, chips and burgers if it makes sense for me (I mean they are served at an event and everyone else eats them) although I’d have difficulties to eat it for longer than two days in a row. I actually remember, when I was in Italy, I ended up eating in Chinese restaurant, which is not something that I recommend. I mean the food was ok, but I really believe that if you visit a different country, you need to eat the food they eat. That’s why I had a go at chicken claws when I was in Malaysia.
Anyway, how can I get some human contact? Right now, at this moment? An authentic and friendly connection with another human being? Any ideas?