It’s 21.20 now and I will be going to sleep pretty soon. My first fasting day went well, I’m really pleased with myself. I managed to do grocery shopping and the fact that I’m fasting didn’t affect my food choices. Also, which is exactly the same experience I had when I first tried fasting when I still lived in Reading, I feel significantly calmer now than on a normal day. Not something that you would expect, I guess? There’s so much negative talk about fasting, how it’s supposed to make us irritable and how food calms us down. This is not exactly my experience: yes, food calms me down when I am actually eating it but the effect doesn’t even last 10 minutes. And then, when I’m bloated after, because I ate too much, I can get really annoyed with myself and the circumstances that ‘made’ me eat.
I really hope the choice I made today will be beginning of regaining my control over what I eat. I’m slightly worried about what to tell various people, who would certainly be shocked and concerned about my eating habits but I’ll think about it in advance. Possibly I should say bye to the idea of explaining my true intentions to those who have no ability to understand them? That is certainly my problem, especially since I realised I’m autistic: always trying to be real in hopes to find people who can understand it. And then I get frustrated when that isn’t happening.