So at first my brother ignored the fact that my mum needed a funeral, now, after being supported by the neighbour he made the decision: funeral is going to be on the 1st of February. It’s been already arranged with the priest and I found out from the neighbour. It doesn’t matter if I can come or not, does it?

The neighbour said he was trying to explain to my brother that he should asked me first before making any plans but my brother decided he ‘didn’t want to wait’. I’m sorry, but I think this is punishment for the fact that I made him do things. He expected that I’d run around to organise everything but I refused and those are consequences. This is how addicts are like for you: they constantly twist things. He has no ability to make quality friends or find himself a girlfriend, yet, he will still find ways to make me feel bad.

Now I am in a situation where I have to make a quick decision if I want to cancel my shifts at work, book a flight and go while putting myself in a situation where everything is on my brother’s terms or just let it go.

I didn’t go for my dad’s funeral, and now I won’t go for mum’s? It’s not nice, is it? But at least I had her when she was still alive.

I hate my brother. I hate him so much. What happened to him? Why is he like that, is he seriously not doing anything in his life but thinking how to make other people life difficult? Well, my life in this case. He was a nice person once. What happened to him?

And then he will be telling people in the village that I didn’t want to come. That it didn’t matter. I don’t know if they will believe. Maybe they won’t? A lady from the village told me in September that he told her that me and mum don’t speak to him when it was him who never responded to phonecalls.

Just after mum came to live with me he demanded us to send him money. Moreover, he demanded that we came up with a way to send it to him! And because he didn’t have a bank account and refused to set up one mum had to send him money in an envelope with a letter. How silly was that? I would have refused. And then I’d have ‘consequences’. But then he’d make me look and feel bad anyway. It’s never enough for him. He always wants more, he wants you to deal with his problems and then give him money for the fact that you did.

He’s not bothered about what impact his decision will have on our relationship. He just wants to show that I didn’t do what he wanted so he puts me in this situation. Even though the neighbour will know what happened. That is going to be my family now: an addict brother, constantly manipulating. What he can come up with is so shocking sometimes. Or possibly, every time.