Her care home called me around 30 minutes ago and I kind of knew that was it. Possibly because they never call? If there was an issue, they emailed and told me to call them back.

She was apparently doing ok, had her supper like every day and then… it’s very sudden.

I called my brother to tell him and asked him if he can take care of things and he told me to call again tomorrow. Strange but that didn’t surprise me at all.

I suppose I feel relieved in a way. I came to see dementia as a slow goodbye. Like mum is still here, but she’s not at the same time so I’m getting ready for her to leave for good. I didn’t talk to her for a bit, not even for Christmas. I didn’t want to. The last time I did she didn’t make any sense and I didn’t want to remember her like that.

It’s so strange that just a few months ago she was here, with me, cooking dinners and doing shopping. I know, it’s age, but it’s still strange that things can progress so quickly.

I got in touch with funeral director and they said they can organise everything so that I just come for funeral. Still, there will be things to organise except of funeral. I don’t know where I should stay when I go there. It’s very cold now in Poland. I know I can’t stay at home but the hostel where I was in September doesn’t really seem suitable for this difficult moment. I’m thinking, possibly I’ll stay in a proper hotel in a town centre for the first couple of nights and then I’ll move to the hostel if I need to stay longer for any reason.

I don’t suppose I’ll be putting any sexual content for a bit now.