Having sex on a third date is considered normal. Of course some people have it earlier that that, even before actually going on a date at all. Going for the third date rule may work for neurotypical women because they have the ability to communicate their intentions in nonverbal way. However, we, autistics, don’t do that and if you don’t respond to hints that the man is using around the time you’re about to have sex or shortly after, he will not know what is going on and may assume you’re not really into him that much, you’re just looking for whoever to be in a relationship.
It’s much better for you to create situation where you are in control. You can use the above rule to create a game. I’ll tell you how to do that in a way where you can find out a bit about his real intensions. Let’s say you’ve been on two dates already and you’re talking about arranging a third one. So he expects that sex is going to happen on that third date. Ask him if that’s what he wants to do. Of course he wants to but he should be able to respond in a balanced manner. Engage in sexual chat with him over emails or texts. Keep talking to him about your sexual desires, preferences and how much you fancy him.
If he really likes you and thinks you could become his long term partner, he will control his words as he doesn’t want to rock the boat by saying something that you may find off-putting. He may say for example ‘What you’re saying sounds really good. It’s very hard to resist, no pun intended’ – that’s the hint that you gave him erection. He won’t want to drive to your house straight away, he’ll wait.
Explain that you’re not 100 percent sure, so you can’t promise anything but you will probably do it because you really fancy him.
When you meet him for that third date, tell him you’re not ready. If a guy really likes you, he’ll be ok with that. After the third date text him and say that you really fancy him and regret that you didn’t do it. In here you’re creating a situation where you have a problem and him having sex with you is a solution. A good guy will think it’s a really interesting concept.
If he gets upset or tells you that you’re just messing him around, that will mean he’s a guy who’s unwilling to deal with difficult situations even when he sees a prospect of being rewarded soon. If that’s what happened get rid of him and then congratulate yourself that you managed to weed him out.
Let’s go back now to that situation where you’re just talking to him about sex before that third date. What else may happen will be that he’ll suddenly become very explicit. He may says things like ‘you made me horny’ or ‘you gave me an erection’ or he’ll want to drive to your house immediately. That means that he is just after casual sex and feels relieved that he can finally get his intensions out. No pun intended.
The worst thing that may happen is if a guy tells you that after what you said he’s masturbating. That means that he has absolutely no idea that women see sex differently to men and having sex with him, any sex, will be a terrible experience.
We, autistics, may be not good at social skills but we are good at playing games. So think about how to use social rules to create a game where you can manipulate situation and test people. That will really help you navigate dating world.