Ok, so I was going to blog about sexuality for a little bit now, but it was difficult to make this shift. I don’t know what people will think about me now, but then, if I see an article about sex, do I think anything bad about the person who wrote it? No, I don’t. Still, there is something in the air about it. I guess it may be the fact that blogging is not the same like writing articles for magazines? My blog is pretty much personal and I find it strange to discuss what I really think about sex.
Still, I can see very clearly that what society is telling us, is not consistent with the truth. The dating game is presented in quite simplified form in popular media and in societal archetypes and what various autism specialists are suggesting is to make it even more simplified for us, so that we can understand. But this will only make us think that life is simple, when it’s not. We need to learn to get on with it. Sometimes we will still get messed up by a man, the same way that may happen to neurotypical women. Neurotypical women get cheated on or divorce and they not always tell you how bad they feel about it so you won’t know.
I had to be very focused to write those posts, if I didn’t focus, I’d never write about it. But it’s very important for me that we don’t get misunderstood even further by the society, researchers, general public and by men that we want to date.
Dating for us is difficult as it is already due to our limited social skills, and then if everyone is going to think that we don’t like sex because we’re autistic, what man is going to want to date us? The situation will become for us like what I had in Home Group, when everyone seemed to be nice, at least on a superficial level but I knew that something was going on and couldn’t work out what it was. No one was telling me the truth. People were asking where I got my diagnosis from and when I said that it was from NHS they were pulling faces at me but no one would tell me that the papers in my file state that it was private and that Home Group paid for it.
If everyone will think that you don’t like sex because you’re autistic, that will be your experience in every dating situation.
I know that some autistic females don’t enjoy sex. There is a percentage of autistic people who are asexual but then, some neurotypical people are also asexual. I read an article recently about an autistic female who worked as a sex coach and she didn’t seem like someone who liked sex, what does that tell us? That we have to work on it because we’re autistic. No, we don’t have to work on anything. If you don’t like sex, don’t do it. Yes, there are challenges in this approach (like for example, you’ll never find a life partner) but then asexual neurotypical people will have the same challenge. Don’t make everything that doesn’t work in your life about being autistic. Life is tough for a lot of people. We have to get on with it.