Ok, this is another thing that society understands in a completely different way than me. And it’s not about having double standards, that sex when you feel attraction is ok and one when you are just horny and want to get laid is not. Any sex is ok as long as it’s not rape.
But the thing is that men always asume that women want a relationship, so even if you tell a man that you’re not looking for one and are ok with casual sex, he won’t believe that and will be testing you to find out if that’s true. He will be using his social skills to do that and you will fail this test. He will then think that you are a low quality woman who is hiding her true intensions to get him into a relationship. And what men think about those kind of women is that it’s ok to treat them badly. So he will have sex with you and then run off and block you or, even better, he will give your number to his friends.
That will make you feel bad and if you talk about that with anybody, they will tell you that you feel bad because you really wanted a relationship. They will tell you that you need to be honest with yourself about your true intentions, and that will only make you feel more confused because you thought you were honest with yourself.
And the truth is, you were honest with yourself but the man couldn’t read you so he misunderstood you. People don’t understand that simple truth. If whoever uses social skills on us to test our true intentions, we will always fail this test. Always. So don’t put yourself in a situation where you will be tested this way.
One possible situation where I think casual sex can work for us is if a man can’t run off afterwards and block you. Like possibly, when you’re housemates. If he can run off afterwards, he’s going to do that and it will make you feel bad. Not because you wanted to have a relationship but because you wanted to be treated normally afterwards.
While when you are in a situation where you have non string attached sex with a man who you fancy and you’d ideally want a relationship with him but he’s not ready, as long as you’re honest with him, he will respect you. Because it will make sense to him: yes, you want a relationship but you can’t have it so you decided to go for what you can have. Nothing wrong with that and you’re not hiding your true intentions.
This is when a man will disrespect you: when he thinks that you’re hiding your true intentions about wanting a relationship with him. Doesn’t matter if you don’t, as long as he thinks that is what you are doing. People can’t read us and that is what makes them think we’re hiding something.
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